I've had conflicting feelings about life lately. A lot of things have happened since I last wrote a journal entry. (I seem to be marking the stages of my life with the journals I write anymore.) For one thing, one of my cats got sick and didn't make it. I'm sort of lodged in this stale pit of emotions. On one hand, I feel like I've handled it well, but on the other, I feel like I never really faced it, like it's just festering there inside me. I mean, she was special to me. I did rescue her from starving to death, and she was a very lively pet with a unique personality. Given, I didn't have much time to get attached to her, but I feel like I didn't have much of a reaction to her death at all. When I think about her now, it feels like she never even existed. It's really weird, and I'm more confused about it than anything.

However, I got a kitten, not to replace her but to help me move on. Maybe that's why it didn't bother me as much as I would have expected it to. She's a very good kitten, and she's fun to have around. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of the one that passed away, so I guess that's helped me cope with it, too.

Regarding Wal-Mart, I'm still there. There's been a lot of drama at work lately. Drama is one thing I'd rather not deal with anywhere, least of all work. Is it too much to ask to just be able to come in, do my job and go home? Apparently so. My department has a new manager, and she's best described as arrogant and pretentious. It's not that she goes out of her way to seem more intelligent than everyone else; she just obviously has this complex of being more intelligent even though she's clearly on the same level as generally everyone else. She expects you to know exactly what she wants of you before ever making any indication at all as to what that is, and she gets annoyed with you for just trying to do your job. I've never spoken to her a single time that she didn't go out of her way to make rude remarks that are demeaning in their intonation and obvious wording alone. She, also, speaks to her employees as a teacher does toward her least favorite student; she treats us all like children. The ironic thing about her attitude is that she is so ignorant as to how things are actually done in our department that I'm fairly certain she has no clue what anyone does back in the bakery. And because she's so derogatory toward all her employees, no one wants to do their job. Work is being left undone and usually ends up piling on somebody else, me included. And I've recently discovered that one of my co-workers is telling lies to the assistant manager to get me in trouble. I know for a fact that the head manager doesn't like me just from the way she acts, and the assistant manager is her lapdog, so I'm sure they'll jump on any opportunity to treat me like I've done something wrong. It's just a big fucking mess, and if you're thinking of applying for a job at Wal-Mart, I would recommend trying literally anything else first. You'll definitely be happier.

On the bright(er) side, I received a call from one of the two local video game stores today asking me to come in for an interview tomorrow. I have high hopes for getting a job there, and I'm just really hoping that they won't turn me down despite calling me in for an interview. It already crushes me when I submit applications and don't hear back, so I know that would be a devastating blow to my self-esteem. I know I'm paranoid and that I tend to assume the worst of any situation, but there's two ways it could go, and it should be obvious which one I'm hoping for. That's not the one I want to talk about it.

But I'm being over-dramatic. I'll get to what you're (probably... maybe?) interested in. I haven't done any writing since the death of my cat kind of just sapped all motivation from me for awhile. I'm pretty motivated right now, though, so I think that's what I'll go do. Hell knows what I'll end up working on, though. Keep your fingers crossed that it's something I need to finish... >>;

Well, thanks for reading. I know I'm probably more of a downer than anything. I'm honestly not as depressed as I sound in journals. I don't even know where all that melodrama and drear comes from half the time. I'm fine, just sort of perpetually laughing at the world and my own misfortune. lol Don't take me too seriously. Being melodramatic and negative is humorous to me, even though I'm fairly sure it's lost on everyone else. But yeah, thanks for reading. I hope I can get something done for you all to read soon. It may just be another stupid one-shot, but I hope it'll at least be decent and entertaining. Hugs and kisses for all!

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